Monday 04-30-12

My TSA Experience & General Airport Security



What prompted this was a few recent TSA related posts I’ve read over at the SayUncle blog (and there’s been more even since I wrote this):

TSA at work

A video of a woman sobbing while TSA cops a feel (again on SayUncle blog)

FormerTSA head and a weird/funny case of someone being stopped/questioned by TSA

And TSA on yourcity buses…

On a not-to-long-ago-work-related trip down to South Carolina I had my first (and hopefully last) run in with TSA. I was travelling with a firearm in a locked case. Now for those who don’t know, this is a “checked” item. Even in a locked case you are not permitted a firearm in your “carry-on” luggage. At Cleveland Hopkins they inspected the case, had me open it, relock it, and then wiped it down with their explosive sniffing wipes. They concluded it was safe and sent me on my way through security. No big deal, right? When I got to the airport in one of the Carolinas, I believe it was the airport in Charlotte, my firearm was nowhere to be found. After going to baggage claim, not finding it and then asking several airline representatives I was finally sent back to baggage claim. It was there that I politely and as calmly as possible let them know that I was flying with a checked firearm and couldn’t find it. I got the, “Well, why didn’t you say so?!?!” treatment and everybody was hunky dory. They brought it out from behind an “employees only” door, compared my claim ticket with the one on the gun case and sent me on my merry way. I was a little shook up at this point and needless to say very alert as I left the airport and headed out to get my rental car.

My return flight to Cleveland was even more exciting. Upon my arrival at the airport in the Carolina, I checked my firearm, proceeded through security, got a Starbucks coffee and Bruegger’s bagel and sat myself down to relax before my flight took off. Three sips and two nibbles in I hear, “Passenger Joshua Hershberger, please return to the check-in counter.” So, I get up, walk back past the pain-in-the-can security, knowing that I will now have to go back through that circus again and find the check-in counter.

“Um, hi there, I’m Josh Hershberger, um, I was paged?”

“Oh, hi sir, TSA has determined that they need to look in your luggage.” (meaning the gun case)

“This gentleman here can help you.” At this point I’m handed over to a weasely looking feller in his mid-60’s who just wants me to give him the key to the case so they can look inside.

Me: “Yeah, uh, that’s not gonna happen.”

Weasel: “Sir, I’ll just take the key downstairs, let them look in the case, and bring you your key back.”

Me: “Once again, No. No one is going in that case without me present. Period.”

Weasel: “Let me check and see if that’s okay, we don’t allow passengers down in THAT area.”


Me: Yeah, you do that.

Weasel: “Okay, sir, follow me.”


So we walk down a double flight of stairs to a “restricted area”. Ooooooooo. As we round a corner in an obscure area in the underground lair I realize it’s just them and me…..and my senses were all immediately heightened. There on the ground is my gun case…..and standing over it are a couple of brothas in TSA jumpsuits. I walk up and they ask me to unlock the case. Sure, no problem. As the second lock is coming off they order me to step back and let me know that they’d “take it from there.” Okay, tough guys. At this point one of the goons opens the case while the other one is eyeballin’ me. Then both of them standing at opposite ends of the gun case take about a step back and proceed to cross their arms in a leaning back position and start to mumble unutterables.

TSA Goon #1: “Dammmmnnnnn, is that a ‘Ma Deuce’?


Me: “No, sir, that is an M240-SLR.”


TSA Goon #2: “Dammmmnnnnn, is that one of ‘em machine guns?”

Me: “No, sir, that is a semi-automatic version of the US Military M240 machine gun.”


TSA Goon #1: “Daaammmmmnnnnn!”

TSA Goon #2: “Daaaaammmmmmmmnnnn!”

(Both of the goons are now just standing there staring back and forth between the gun and each other.)

Me: “Um, did you guys interrupt my coffee and bagel just so you could see the cool gun?”

In Unison: “Yeah, pretty much!” heh, heh, heh,…

Me: Dorks. “Thanks, now I have the pleasure of going through security again. Have a nice day fellas.”


After all that hubbub, we (my gun and I) get back to Cleveland and the thing comes out on the luggage carousel, is pulled off by a airline baggage expert, is scanned and LEFT outside the baggage claim office. That’s right! IN THE OPEN! I walked up with my baggage claim ticket and begin looking around for so called baggage expert with his little scanner thingy… I decided to go ahead and grab it before someone else did and continued to look for scanner dork. When I find him, he SAYS, “Is that yours?” I replied, “Yes.” And he tells me to, “Have a nice day.” No scan or nothing!!! I said, “Don’t you want to compare my claim ticket?” To which he answers, “Nope, you’re fine.” EEEEdiot! I guess I looked like a nice enough guy, why wouldn’t it be mine?

TSA & airport security…..pretty much a joke in my opinion. We were probably safer before all of this.

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